Well today I am wondering if that is true. What did I lose and what have I added? It is easier to say what I've lost (or feel like I lost), I've lost visiting with my family, as we moved a province away. I've lost a church family that I loved and was loved by. I've lost many friendships, as only a few will stand the test of time and email (all from the move). Right now I feel like I have given up my home, not so much the building, although we did that too, but my home the comforting place to be at the end of a day. The warm safe place that is always suppose to be there, doesn't seem to be there right now.
So what have I added to my life to counter act the loss and how does that reflect my Lent experience. I have been more intentional in participating in worship, mainly solitary worship but meaningful. Many times over the last few months I could be found crying in my car as my favorite worship song plays, "The Stand". I have intentionally focused on the sovereignty of God over the last few months, seeing even little things as gifts from him. God has blessed my family so much over the last four months, providing for us in miraculous ways, that I can't help but see him everywhere. I have added new friendships to my life, starting those new fragile relationships that take time and patience to nurture into full friendship. And prayer, I've added prayer. I find that I can't go far into my day or activity without calling out for help to the one who will always be there, and yet I never feel like I can call out enough.
So today my heart is breaking. Filled with longing for this season of Lent to be over. Longing for a home where my heart and body can rest. Longing for the joy that comes after the sorrow. Knowing that it will come.
In the mean time, I will continue on this journey of Lent. Is this a true Lent 'experience'? I don't know. All I know is that I will continue to offer my heart to my God in this time of transition and sorrow with this as my prayer
"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one who gave it all. I'll stand my soul, Lord to you surrendered all I am is yours"
